The Romantic World of Beijing Teens and Their Love Lives

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Maybe it’s the rom-com films we’ve binged, or maybe it’s the aura of coolness surrounding having a boyfriend or girlfriend but either way, a huge part of the ideal high school experience is teenage dating. Yet like many aspects of the teenage years, our relationships are often misunderstood, even for those of us in them. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to date as an adolescent, and some youths have long lists of exes while others haven’t gotten started. It’s all a matter of feeling comfortable and being patient.

Making the First Move

There are a number of stereotypes around teenage relationships; particularly gender stereotypes. In China, it’s considered romantic and masculine for boys to make the first move, and sadly some people even think it’s shameful for girls to do the asking out. Like it or not, all the successful relationships I’ve witnessed among my peers were initiated by the guy. But come on, it’s 2020, and that old school notion of masculinity is so outdated, and puts unnecessary pressure both on guys to take the lead and on girls to offer a satisfactory response. 

When it comes to asking someone out, technology also comes in handy because more and more teens are choosing to ask their crushes out over text. Texting allows us to take our time and write grand-gesture paragraphs. If things don’t go to plan, deleting the message and facing rejection is significantly easier than if it was face-to-face. I was once asked out by a boy who was sitting right next to me on a bus, but still chose to type it on Whatsapp and I have to say, it does ease the atmosphere but at the same time makes the process less memorable.

Ready, Set, Date!

Once past the asking-out hurdle, a whole new series of obstacles await dates. Different teenagers have different preferences for date spots with some heading to fancy restaurants, while others grab street food and go. Some plan the night out weeks in advance, and others spontaneously make decisions the day of.

My first actual date was at an old train station transformed into a tourist attraction. We grabbed burgers and watched the city view from atop a small hill, and were still in the getting-to-know-each-other phase so awkward silences were abundant. Our conversations ranged from family to school to our interests. Yet despite the awkwardness, I went home and feeling overwhelmed with butterflies. For the next week, I replayed moments from that date in my head nonstop.

It’s well known that some teenagers do silly things when in a relationship, and in my friend group, some girls have been pressured into drinking on dates. They would also occasionally stay out past curfew or show up at school hungover the next day.

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First Kiss

As relationships get serious, physical contact is expected, and the concept of a ‘perfect first kiss’ lurks in the mind of almost every teenager. I had my first kiss in Grade 7 at an amusement park and it was nothing like the movies. The boy actually missed the first try and we were both beyond nervous. Amongst my peers, a vast majority haven’t had their first kiss yet, and of the ones that have, many seek kisses with zero emotional attachment. A friend once mentioned she lost track of how many guys she’s made out with. Contrary to popular belief, physical contact doesn’t determine the depth of a teenage romance at all, which is why out of the relationships I’ve had, the one I treasure most was with a guy I never kissed.

When It All Ends…

One way or another, we eventually come to the inevitable stage: the breakup. Ending a relationship can feel like the end of the world to many heartbroken teens while to others, it can feel like a relief. A friend of mine once skipped school to cry over the demise of a two-day relationship. Unfortunately, there’s bound to be messy breakups sometimes, and I should know: two of my exes currently have me blocked on social media. But on the bright side, plenty of teenage relationships end maturely and on good terms. One friend still has sticker wars with her ex and he even offered to tutor her math. Staying friends with teenage exes is easier said than done, but definitely not impossible.

For international students in Beijing, the number one cause of breakups is distance. Too many couples split over one or both of them moving away. And with the COVID-19 pandemic going on, countless teenagers split with their partners or entered long-distance without having a proper goodbye. At the beginning of the outbreak, I was involved with a boy in my class in Beijing even though I was stranded abroad with no flights home. Eventually, factors like time difference and overthinking separated us. On the other hand, long-distance relationships are becoming increasingly popular amongst the young generation and two of my closest friends are long-distance dating right now. One is with a guy she met at a MUN conference in Austria and another is with a mutual friend in America. Despite the fact that neither of them will see their boyfriends in the near future, they remain committed.

Teenage relationships can be confusing, but it’s important not to cave into peer pressure and remember that there is no ‘normal’ way to date. Don’t set unrealistic expectations, don’t be afraid to leave your boyfriend or girlfriend if doubts emerge, and above all, live in the moment and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.

Qinglan Du is a 16-year-old student from BeijingCity International School. She’s originally from Beijing but is currently living in Jerusalem with her mother due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Aside from her passion for writing, she enjoys singing, spending time with friends and family, and experiencing new cultures.

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Photos: Qinglan Du, Unsplash 

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